Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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