brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
