Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
