At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
