dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
