I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
