Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
