WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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