I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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