the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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