My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
the day after is always just damage control
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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