matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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