yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
