I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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