yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
