Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
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you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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