he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
