she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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