I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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