Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I need to align my fucking chakras
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
