its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
