My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
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Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
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So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My vagina is officially offended.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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