Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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