We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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