saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
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This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
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Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
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