I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help me help you realize you are a moron
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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