you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Text me some of your sweat
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
