Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
