remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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