So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
