He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Randomize
