Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
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can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
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Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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