i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
