just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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