saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
