People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
