God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
