I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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