you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
