are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
