Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Randomize
