i jhust puked up my retainher.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
