I'm jealous of your bromance
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
