Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
