yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
