There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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