Kiss
Puke
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
We just shotgunned beers for America
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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