wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
