I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
