No awkward lesbian experiences without me
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
