I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
