You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
