I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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