I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
