This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
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