i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Randomize
