I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
