She is in my trunk
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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