Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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