That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
