i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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