someone threw a dead crab at me
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
