Her vagina should come with caution tape.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
