New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
