there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
